What are the first, second, and third things you should do after a person dies? And, why it shouldn’t be calling your attorney. What to expect when you do meet with your attorney.
I am an estate attorney, and I spend the vast majority of my professional life talking with people who have just lost a loved one. The other part of my professional life I spend planning for a person’s death. Many people believe that I should be their first call after a person dies.
I am very familiar with the legal terms, the jargon, and the potential implications of a person’s death. In fact, it is my job to be the level head in the room.
Loss of a loved one can send a family, a spouse, or a friend into a tailspin. When your whole world is suddenly turned upside down due to a death in the family or the loss of a loved one, nothing seems to make sense.
Naturally, many people turn to an estate planning professional to help make sense of the administration of a person’s assets.
Sadly, however, many people make me their very first call.
You might be thinking, wait, you’re an estate attorney, don’t you want to be the first call? To which, I will answer: “No, I do not.”
In fact, in most cases, I shouldn’t even be your second or third call.
The very first thing that you should do after a person passes away is not to call their attorney. Your concern does not need to be on the trust terms, the family business, or even the person’s will.
No, instead, the very first thing that you should do after a loved one dies is to mourn, grieve, and care for your family.
THE FIRST THING THAT YOU SHOULD DO AFTER A PERSON DIES IS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY
Your first step after a person dies should be to take care of yourself and those around you –to process the events and to celebrate that person’s life.
Generally calls made to my office within 48 hours of a person’s death are all from people wondering what they can take or from people who are reporting theft. These should not be your concern immediately after a loss.
Wills, probate, and trusts are all about transferring stuff.
Don’t make your first thoughts about the stuff.
If you have a practical mind, you might be thinking that I am a flake. There are bills to be paid, properties to transfer, taxes owed, and other practical matters to attend to.
You are correct, but I have seen many a family feud begin with someone caring more about the paperwork than the people around them. Further, as we all grieve in our own way, I have also seen many people project their grief into the estate administration rather than toward their family.
And, if you are one of those extremely practical people, I will let you know why you can take a breath and relax a minute before calling an attorney.
WHY AN ATTORNEY SHOULDN’T BE YOUR FIRST CALL.
Although you may have your issues with local and federal legislatures, most states do not require that you deal with the assets, the bills, or even the creditors of a loved one shortly after their death.
In fact, most states have a sort of built-in mourning period for dealing with a person’s grief.
For example, in the state of Indiana, a creditor in most cases can’t require payment for at least 45 days. In other cases, they can’t require payment for up to 90 days.
Just because the electric bill is sitting on the kitchen table and the credit card statement came in the mail does not mean that you have to take care of them before attending the funeral.
Great if you can, but no one from the local water department is coming to your door with a baseball bat. In my experience, a simple phone call to the local department letting them know that a person passed away is all they need.
Similarly, a simple phone call to the car lot/credit card company/bank is enough to let them know that they need to give you time to work things out.
Creditors have to leave you alone for a set amount of time. An estate can’t be settled in probate for months, and trusts need some time to work through paperwork. It takes time.
And, you won’t be able to ever effectively deal with the administration of a person’s estate if you haven’t first taken care of yourself.
Take the time to mourn, grieve, and care for your family before you call an attorney.
After you have taken the time to complete the funeral, burial, and familial arrangements, then call an attorney.
WHEN SHOULD YOU CALL AN ATTORNEY AFTER A DEATH?
In my office, I ask that families wait to meet with me for at least 2 weeks. This gives them the time to process their grief, complete funeral and burial arrangements, and locate important paperwork.
WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU MEET WITH AN ATTORNEY AFTER THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE:
1. Locate important estate and death paperwork
Before you meet with your attorney, if he or she does not already have it, collect your loved one’s will, trust documents, or other relevant estate documents for your meeting. Take at least one copy of a death certificate with you.
2. Collect property, tax, and other ownership information.
If you have access to your loved one’s deeds, mortgage information, property tax records, and personal income tax returns, take those to your meeting with the attorney. These can help your attorney determine what kind of estate administration needs to be done.
3. Search for other assets such as retirement accounts
In addition to real estate and personal effects, your loved one may also have an investment broker or other retirement accounts. Collect the names and information of those accounts.
For bonus points, contact the investment manager directly and request the beneficiary information be sent to your attorney. In some cases, they may already have authority to transmit information to your attorney, and you may be able to settle many matters in a short amount of time.
WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU MEET WITH AN ATTORNEY AFTER THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE:
When I was in law school, my estate planning professors let me know that my job as an estate attorney would be part attorney and part social worker. It’s true.
I spend a good portion of my day getting to hear about the best parts of a person’s life. That’s one of the reasons I love my job.
Your attorney should be glad to listen to your stories, hear about your loved one’s best characteristics, and even take a little stroll down memory lane with you.
However, recall that at a certain point in time, you are on the clock.
Your attorney may offer a free consultation, but at some point, he or she will be charging for his or her time. Remember that your time with an attorney should certainly be personal and caring. But, you want this person to guide you on the business of death not necessarily reminisce with you for hours at $400 per hour.
What your attorney will likely discuss with you:
1. The assets.
Your attorney will discuss 3 important topics with you. What your loved one owned (the extent of his or her estate). How your loved one owned the property: fee simple, joint, etc. And what the value of the assets are.
Your attorney will be concerned with the net value of the assets and whether any debts are associated with it.
Thus, knowing a rough value of the home and whether it has a mortgage (see above!) is incredibly important for your meeting. Further, knowing where your loved one banked, the rough values of his or her accounts, and whether they had any creditors is something that your attorney will want to discuss.
2. The beneficiaries.
Your attorney will likely review your loved one’s will, trust, or other decedent transfer at your first meeting. He or she will likely determine who is the ultimate recipient of your loved one’s estate.
3. The method of distribution.
The profile of your loved one’s estate plan will dictate whether or not you have to go through probate. (TO READ MORE ABOUT WHAT PROBATE IS, CLICK HERE LINK).
If your loved one had a trust, non-probate distributions, or other methods of transfer, then your attorney will want to give you a quick overview of what will happen next.
WHAT TO EXPECT AFTER YOUR FIRST MEETING WITH AN ATTORNEY.
1. More homework.
Regardless of how much you prepare for your initial meeting with an attorney, you will likely end up with even more homework to do. Your attorney will likely ask you a question that you hadn’t considered. He might ask for family addresses that you didn’t bring. Or, she might request account balance information that you hadn’t received yet.
Regardless of what you have already prepared, be ready for some additional legwork.
2. To Need to ask more questions.
Your last few weeks have been long, and difficult, and emotional. After 35-60 minutes with an attorney, your head is probably spinning.
Don’t be afraid to call your attorney later that day, the next day, or even later the next week for clarification. Estate administration attorneys are here to help in this difficult time. Your phone call is probably not a new question, and a good estate attorney is happy to help you understand your particular circumstances.
Side note: don’t be surprised if it takes a couple of days for your attorney to get back with you. I often leave a meeting with my clients to be thrown back into an estate closing, a probate hearing, or even another meeting. It can take some time to go back through all of the messages and phone calls that I receive!
3. Time.
Let me set the expectation for you now. Most estate administration takes months. A few take years and even fewer take days.
Don’t expect a resolution to the entire estate in 2 weeks.
It took your mom/dad/aunt/spouse his or her entire life to accumulate his or her stuff. It will take some time for your attorney to prepare the paperwork, for the appraisers to determine the values, and for the creditors to submit their claims.
Probate is a process that takes months. Trust administration, though flexible, can still require attention to tax dates. Beneficiary transactions are often held up due to delays in receiving death certificates.
At any rate, regardless of your estate plans, the full administration of a person’s assets after death take time. After you meet with your attorney, expect for things to take some time to wrap up.
WHAT TO DO AFTER A LOVED ONE DIES
Knowing what to do after a person dies is a great big question, and every answer is unique. However, what I do know is that your first call should not be to an attorney.
Give yourself some time to mourn, grieve, and care for your family. Only after some of the dust has settled should you prepare for and meet with an attorney to settle an estate.
In the absence of danger to yourself or the estate assets, your family should be your first priority. Estate administration is mostly just about stuff. So, calling an attorney can wait a few days.
If you are looking for more information about the probate process or what to do to prepare for death, check these out.